Tonight I celebrated a timeless tradition and, to those who know me best, a fearfully predictable habit of mine. I am of course referring to my proneness to uncontrollable laughter resulting in the full and complete pissing of my pants. I am fully aware that this tendency is one of my most redeeming qualities. Thus, I am not embarrassed nor ashamed in the slightest that I am now sharing this story in a public forum. I am quite sure that my readers will delight in this news, as much or perhaps a little more than I wager my mother will, upon finding the evidence in the laundry hamper. I would not be surprised that you, dear reader, should consider it a great impertinence that I have, so far, failed to explain the circumstances which led me to this episode of hysterics and ultimate pants wetting. But first let me say in defense of my bladder who, I would guess, wouldn't take kindly to any criticism that could potentially be directed at him in view of recent events, that he is not to blame in the slightest--that I have never had issue with him under any normal circumstances, and that it is entirely my fault for putting so much strain on him by finding things so exceedingly amusing! I will now venture to explicate the events leading to "the accident." I confess I was aware of the increasing need for relief but in an attempt to save time in returning my friend to her home, I decided to forgo my visit to the bathroom (with every intention of using it as soon as I arrived back at home.) With every twist and turn the road offered I in turn offered pardon to my poor bladder and thought of making the journey as short as possible by not wasting much time at stop signs. My friend, Hanimal as I have referred to her before, has always had a talent for making me dissolve into fits of uncontrollable laughter. She has all too often practiced this talent at times that our company has deemed inappropriate--church services, just about every middle school and high school class we shared, birthday parties, field trips, store visits, library visits etc. This short car trip proved to be no different. What sparked my laughter this time was actually her reaction to a very startling event. Just as I was wielding my Jeep quickly around a sharp curve in the road I found myself staring face to face with a large deer directly in my way--or in his way, depending on how you look at it. Now I assure you that though this was admittedly alarming, the shock was not at all the cause of my incident. I know this because of what happened next, and the order in which it happened. First, I slowed my car to a quick stop-- mind you, it was not one that could be considered all that dramatic or even very uncomfortable. I then, as if only after realizing that danger had been averted, discovered that Hannah had been bellowing what can only be described as the most incomprehensible, alien, and positively bestial scream! It was like nothing I had ever heard before and lasted far longer than the inspiring event itself. Its intensity was nowhere near proportional to the excitement the deer sighting could have elicited. To say that it was theatrical seems like a gross understatement. But it was so much affected that I can not help but think her dramatics could have landed her a prime spot in any fine production. Needless to say it was absolutely hilarious and I found myself gripping the wheel out of sheer hysterics. I am all too familiar with the feeling of impending doom that walks hand in hand with this intensity of laughter. I cursed myself loudly for not using that blasted toilet before leaving home and with one pleading look at Hanimal gave way to the flood. Conceding defeat is never easy. When a dam breaks or a bridge collapses it is often preferable to blame shoddy material or cracks in the concrete, but truthfully the contractor ought to be held responsible.
Song of the Day: All Day and All of the Night by The Ki Ki Ki Kinnkks. The Kinks.
"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you? If you insist..." APWBD
Song of the Day : Timeless by Kate Havnevik