Day 45 : Bounce-Timbaland

Question: If you were an inanimate object, what would you likely be? I think i'd be a spoon. A lot of people find it amusing to imagine what sort of animal a person is most like, but I think it's much more amusing to imagine what sort of inanimate object a person is most like. I realized this when I started repeatedly drawing Hannah as a piece of toast. In my mind she will always be bread. Just something to think about.

Today is Friday, and thank goodness. TGIF, friends. Tonights gonna include fffff_____? What starts with an F? Fireworks! Franklin Roosevelt? French Fries, french toast. Got it. Fun! Tonights gonna include fun. So true.

Question: If you could adopt the exact appearance of any former or current president who's would you adopt? I think I would look just like Baberham Lincoln cuz heeza babe har har har har. No but seriously, I would look like Ulysses S. Grant because he had a bitchin beard. I was just kidding about Abe L. I just thought of a joke. Why was Lincoln elected? Because he was Abe L. and willing. HHAHAH oh my god. Killer. I really hope nobody has thought of that before me, because I'll feel like a big toolkit if it's somebody else's joke. John Quincy Adams looks like an asshole. I just thought of another joke. Why was John Adams so against having children? Because he was worried he would have Quints. Heyo!

Alright I better quit. Comedy hour is over--it should have never begun. Good day and Goodnight.

Listen to the Song of the Day: Bounce by Timbaland, it's sexy. Perfect for a Friday night.

"I owe you an explanation of an old man's mistake." APWBD

Day 44 : For Your Love-Yarbirds

Instead of prefacing this entry with a clever quote or idiomatic hyperbole, let me just say; Hello there. It's been too long.

I don't expect to earn the following that I saw this summer past. I doubt that I will be able to maintain daily posts and I promised myself that I would retire my habit of unreasonably promising to do so. That being said, I do hope to update the site regularly with the usual fables and college epics. I know that my more avid readers have been long depraved of my stories and are much worse off for it. Thus I shall continue narrating the deeds and adventures of a most heroic and legendary figure of history: yours truly, Calebot Kimbedroid.

I am older than I was when I began writing in this blog, but perhaps not much wiser. I enjoy most cupcakes, anything even remotely linked to Harry Potter, Robotics and Robots of the outmoded variety, and old classics like Mary Poppins. I dislike nose itches, loose pants coupled with tight underwear, tight pants with loose underwear, and rudeness.

I really enjoy making lists about my likes and dislikes--a practice I began early in my childhood. I suggest that everyone try this. It is really fantastic to look back and see how much or how little your preferences have changed. I also suggest taking lots of pictures and videos. Home videos are wonderful. I can't have enough of them. When I build my house, I will have a large room filled with tapes--footage of everyone in my life and all the strangers too. In the middle of this room I will have a television and a terribly comfortable couch. I don't even mind if this makes me seem creepy. I'd rather be freaky than not.

Song of the Day: For YOUR Love by Yarbirds. Delightful. Just dazzling.

"The shock of her desertion may have contributed to his early death - or perhaps he had simply never learned to feed himself." APWBD

Day 43 : The Only Living Boy in New York-Simon & Garfunkle

Darling, you're really something, but you already know that don't you?

I drifted off to sleep today and found myself in a dream with a young man dressed in slacks and a bowtie. He said to me 'Well, aren't you a sight.' 'What's that supposed to mean?' I asked. He just gave me a smirk, laughed once to himself and turned on his heal. It seems to me that most of the time I know just what I'm doing in a dream. But this much cannot be said today. Nonetheless, I just went strait up to the gent and walked next to him for a while. I figured maybe he knew what to do. It occurred to me as we were walking that we were by some train tracks and that all around us were fields with weeds up to our ankles and nothing else in any direction for as far as I could see. We followed those tracks for hours in my dream, not saying anything at all. Every so often a giant breeze would blow into us and we'd push through as if we really did have somewhere to be. I guess we kept at this for as long as I slept and it wasn't really until I woke that I realized I hadn't the slightest where we were going. It can be a big bother to wake up from a dream especially when your dreaming isn't done--that is; when the dream isn't finished. I closed my eyes tight scrunching my eyelids and waiting for fields and tracks but they didn't come. I don't think I will trouble myself with guesses as to where we were headed. It was a dream, you see. It could have been anything. It could have been nothing.

Song of the Day: The Only Living Boy in New York by Simon & Garfunkle

"In dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own." APWBD

Day 42 : Cleo's Mood-Jr. Walker & The All Stars

This afternoon as I was driving on the highway I felt my stomach leap with excitement at the prospect of returning to school soon. It feels so strange knowing that I am going into my second year of college. I am constantly having to remind myself that I am no longer a dumb 14 year old in eighth grade. I'm now a dumb 19 year old in my sophomore year of college. Even though I've already gone through one year at St. Olaf I have no idea what to expect from my second year. Rest assured, I have very high hopes that it will be quite incredible. Among the things I am most excited for is the # 3 Nationally Ranked cafeteria food. I can honestly say that some of my favorite memories from my first year took place in the dining hall. From pie throwing food fights to overly intense games of bingo, a great many fine times were had there. I also look forward to seeing friends and exploring the other side of campus where I will be residing with my dear roommate and living partner. I plan to do a lot of rock climbing this year and I might actually show up to a fencing practice. We'll see. Ah, college. Tis the best.

Song of the Day: Cleo's Mood by Jr. Walker & The All Stars

"Hagrid! I don't believe that Harry has done any of the attacks on the school."

Day 41 : All Day and All of the Night-The Kinks

Tonight I celebrated a timeless tradition and, to those who know me best, a fearfully predictable habit of mine. I am of course referring to my proneness to uncontrollable laughter resulting in the full and complete pissing of my pants. I am fully aware that this tendency is one of my most redeeming qualities. Thus, I am not embarrassed nor ashamed in the slightest that I am now sharing this story in a public forum. I am quite sure that my readers will delight in this news, as much or perhaps a little more than I wager my mother will, upon finding the evidence in the laundry hamper. I would not be surprised that you, dear reader, should consider it a great impertinence that I have, so far, failed to explain the circumstances which led me to this episode of hysterics and ultimate pants wetting. But first let me say in defense of my bladder who, I would guess, wouldn't take kindly to any criticism that could potentially be directed at him in view of recent events, that he is not to blame in the slightest--that I have never had issue with him under any normal circumstances, and that it is entirely my fault for putting so much strain on him by finding things so exceedingly amusing! I will now venture to explicate the events leading to "the accident." I confess I was aware of the increasing need for relief but in an attempt to save time in returning my friend to her home, I decided to forgo my visit to the bathroom (with every intention of using it as soon as I arrived back at home.) With every twist and turn the road offered I in turn offered pardon to my poor bladder and thought of making the journey as short as possible by not wasting much time at stop signs. My friend, Hanimal as I have referred to her before, has always had a talent for making me dissolve into fits of uncontrollable laughter. She has all too often practiced this talent at times that our company has deemed inappropriate--church services, just about every middle school and high school class we shared, birthday parties, field trips, store visits, library visits etc. This short car trip proved to be no different. What sparked my laughter this time was actually her reaction to a very startling event. Just as I was wielding my Jeep quickly around a sharp curve in the road I found myself staring face to face with a large deer directly in my way--or in his way, depending on how you look at it. Now I assure you that though this was admittedly alarming, the shock was not at all the cause of my incident. I know this because of what happened next, and the order in which it happened. First, I slowed my car to a quick stop-- mind you, it was not one that could be considered all that dramatic or even very uncomfortable. I then, as if only after realizing that danger had been averted, discovered that Hannah had been bellowing what can only be described as the most incomprehensible, alien, and positively bestial scream! It was like nothing I had ever heard before and lasted far longer than the inspiring event itself. Its intensity was nowhere near proportional to the excitement the deer sighting could have elicited. To say that it was theatrical seems like a gross understatement. But it was so much affected that I can not help but think her dramatics could have landed her a prime spot in any fine production. Needless to say it was absolutely hilarious and I found myself gripping the wheel out of sheer hysterics. I am all too familiar with the feeling of impending doom that walks hand in hand with this intensity of laughter. I cursed myself loudly for not using that blasted toilet before leaving home and with one pleading look at Hanimal gave way to the flood. Conceding defeat is never easy. When a dam breaks or a bridge collapses it is often preferable to blame shoddy material or cracks in the concrete, but truthfully the contractor ought to be held responsible.

Song of the Day: All Day and All of the Night by The Ki Ki Ki Kinnkks. The Kinks.

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you? If you insist..." APWBD

Day 40 : Timeless-Kate Havnevik

After nearly a month long hiatus Calebot would like to take this opportunity to announce the official reinstallment of daily blog updates. Looking over past entries it seems that the majority of my posts have featured rather ordinary events. This seems only fitting considering that the first half of my summer was spent at school taking classes, wandering around campus, and staring forlornly out my tenth story window. It is therefore less surprising that writing fell somewhat by the wayside this past month as it was far from ordinary and, in fact, reasonably invigorating! I began my adventures in a place I could have scarcely imagined before my visit. The place I am referring to is called Newton, Kansas and it is not at all like anything I am used to. I can't say that I very much liked the place but it had a bit of grip, I think. I wouldn't mind writing about an extraordinary individual with a reputation born and raised in Newton, Kansas. All of the shops looked too old an not old enough--that miserable in between; not quaint or vintage but not nice or new, just sort of run down and forgotten. Maybe this judgment speaks more to my own superciliousness and less to the place: Newton, Kasnsas, but that is how I feel about it.

I thoroughly enjoyed flying my father's plane through the skies. I like watching the shadows on the earth and counting the different colored squares, so much like quilt patches. Flying is remarkable. I think I'll get my pilot's license soon. Which reminds me: I have been considering my future lately--particularly, what I plan to do with it. I have a few ideas and I have heard a few suggestions but I am always open to more. I am not limiting myself to one of these options. In fact, I may very well attempt all of them at one point or another (that is the ultimate goal). Anyway, here is a list of a few:

1. Bee Keeping 2. Fire Fighting 3. Deep Sea Fishing 4. Piloting 5. Cupcake Vending 6. Kite Flying 7. Screenplay Writing 8. Professional Boxing 9. Zoo Keeping 10. Amateur Belly Dancing 11. Pole Vaulting 12. Personal Training 13. Motivational Speaking 14. Blind Tattooing 15. Ghost Busting 16. Insult Generating 17. Marketing 18. Street Fighting 19. Cloud Forest Tour Guiding 20. Crime fighting 21. Investigating 22. Inventing and 23. Bus driving.

I'm sure I'll think of more in the days to come. This is very important to me.

Song of the Day : Timeless by Kate Havnevik

"Certainly not. YOU must kill me." APWBD

Day 39 : You Make My Dreams-Hall & Oates

I've been swimming with the stingrays. I've been touching turtles and punching waves. I speared someone in the thigh with a bamboo spear that I made with my own hands. I am on a goddamn Island these days. I am on turtle time all of the time. All of the roads are small roads. They are not the proper size for cars--only carts. We drive the carts all over this Island because we've made this Island our bitch. We made the whole goddamn ocean our bitch. Every sea creature in the sea belongs to us now. All the sharks fear us. All the fish respect us. Hell, I even punched at the sun. This morning I took fire to bamboo wood and smeared the burning charcoal on my cheeks with my thumb. I hunted gators and gutted them for sport. I gave haircuts for free on the island and knocked over little girls' lemonade stands. You know what? I looked like a big shag wit doing cartwheels on the dunes but I wouldn't stop for anything. You know? I fooled every single poopzip on the beach with my drowning charade and took a piss in the sand as the waves came crashing down around me. All in all I'd say I've been having a pretty nice time.
Song of the Day: You Make My Dreams by Hall and Oates

"The best of us must sometimes eat our words." APWBD

Day 38 : All Love-Ingrid Michaelson

I have been told that it is generally advisable to keep one's feet planted firmly on the ground--to find direction and purpose in all that one does. I have also been told that sensibility is a trait to be admired, and that a life; decorous and refined, ought to be prized as truly capital. I have come to find that this cannot possibly be true for everyone, least of all for me. No, I'm afraid that I must instead take a cue from the avant-garde pioneers of society and history's remarkable and sincerely excellent 'wild-women' by living a singular albeit somewhat strange life. It is not often easy to practice decorum when experimenting with the unprecedented. Am I right? I think I am. And it cannot be helped from time to time, when what is deemed proper or right so often contradicts what I think seems reasonable. So, in short, I will continue, as it pleases me, to do exactly what I like whether or not I ought to by any practical standards.

Song of the Day: All Love by Ingrid Michaelson

"Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love." APWBD

Day 37 : Alice's Theme-Danny Elfman

Song of the Day: Alice's Theme by Danny Elfman

"The Hallows, The Hallows. A desperate man's dream." APWBD

Day 36 : Run Fay Run-Isaac Hayes

Song of the Day: Run Fay Run by Isaac Hayes

"He cannot kill you if you are already dead." APWBD

Day 35 : Guilty-Yann Tiersen

I just thought of something. Suppose I were to change my identity completely and disappear for a year but stay in contact with two or three close friends through letter mail. Then after a year I write to them and explain that I am coming out of hiding and that I am going to find them. I tell them not to expect to recognize me because I have changed so many aspects of my appearance and I no longer resemble the old me at all. I tell them that I will find them when they least expect it in the most unexpected of places. During the year that I am in hiding I befriend a variety of new people of all different shapes, sizes, ages and ethnicities. Of the people I meet, I become very close with four of them: a 60 year old caucasian woman, a 9 year old black boy, a 24 year old red haired man, and a 43 year old half japanese half french man. I teach them everything there is to know about me. I tutor them in all of my likes and dislikes. I share all of my wildest thoughts and strangest ambitions. I teach them to talk like me and to think like me. They study my subtle mannerisms and learn to mimic them carefully. My old friend receives the letter that contains my resolve to pay an unexpected visit and is overjoyed. She carries on with her daily routine and waits for the moment that she will see me again. Months after receiving my last letter the fresh excitement of the possibility of seeing me begins to fade. She no longer looks around in the market for familiar eyes and cheeky smiles. Then at 3:47pm during a Classics lecture on the transience of human mortality a fly lands on the knuckle of her middle finger. She swats it away and looks for a moment to the clock on the south wall. Her gaze falls and is met by a red haired man sitting below the clock. She looks away but his gaze persists. This does not go unnoticed by her and for a while she does her best to avoid his stare. When she can no longer ignore it she looks back and meets his eyes unflinchingly. After a moment he smiles and nods.

Precisely 12 minutes prior to this strange encounter a middle aged asian man steps into a deli and asks a young lady for a ham sandwich. As she makes to hand him his dish he thanks her and says something softly that causes her to drop the plate. It smashes to pieces on the floor around them. The asian man smiles. Neither move to clean it up.

Both the asian and the red haired man claim to be their old friend and pen-mate. The women are at first unconvinced and think it a clever joke, albeit an unsurprising one from their crafty friend, but after little over an hour of the most convincing acting job these women have ever seen they begin to wonder whether they were right to so quickly dismiss the possibility that the person before them was me in disguise. After all, the men carry on my persona unfailingly and never cease to insist that they are really truly: me.

This goes on for several hours of testing conversation, reminiscing and heavy laughter. An all around splendid time is had by all. At the end of the meeting the two leave amicably and agree, mainly out of curiosity on the women's end, to meet again. The young women go back to their lives and continue to quietly miss me. Correspondence is maintained with the first several letters focussing on the hilarity and unusualness of the meetings. I reassure them persistently that they did in fact met me and not some impostor I had put up to the challenge. References are made where appropriate and the nice subtleties lend substance to my story. The women are always skeptical but enjoy the great mystery. Nearly three months after they are first visited I write to them again telling them to expect another visit sometime in the weeks to come.

The subsequent meetings are different for a number of reasons. For one, they take place at different locations and at different times and perhaps more significantly, this time the women are met by what appear to be an adolescent black boy and an elderly woman.

~These are hard times for dreamers~

Song of the Day: Guilty by Yann Tiersen

"You must be wondering why I brought you here." APWBD

Day 34 : Just A Friend-Biz Markie

Today I tested out my homemaking abilities. First I fixed a delicious salad for stand-in-husband; Ned. The salad, being far from ordinary, included orange and yellow peppers, fresh lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, pita chips, feta cheese, sliced ham, fresh pepper, LOTS of salt, and my newly invented dressing. Feel free to try it--combine mayo (of course), dijon mustard, lots of lemon juice, olive oil, salt, parmesan cheese, and fresh pepper. It sounds god awful, but it's delicious. I made sure that the salad was properly garnished and aesthetically pleasing--things that only a true "lady of the house" would fuss over. After cleaning the dishes and wiping the countertops I fluffed two pillows and even thought about vacuuming in heels. All the while I was really wishing that I had a pearl necklace and big hair. At the request of Neddy Bear, (it is all I can do to not vomit all over the place after using this endearment), I made a simply sublime two tiered fudge cake with cream cheese frosting. By this time I was really getting into the groove of the whole housewife gig. I thought, 'Why stop at cake?' so I made a big batch of Butterscotch Oatmeal Cookies. There's no saying where this day will lead me but I would be deceiving myself if I didn't admit that I am terrified at how successful I was at 'Project Homemaker'. I have come to two conclusions: 1) There is nothing I can't do and 2) I'm a catch.

Song of the Day: Just A Friend by Biz Markie. This is for all the Ladies in da house. Do yo thang.

"I see a light in the kitchen. Let us not deprive Molly any longer of the chance to deplore how thin you are." APWBD

Day 33 : Morning Passages-Phillip Glass

Do you ever find yourself wanting weirdness? I mean, have you ever discovered a love for those small and sometimes subtle encounters with the bizarre. I guess they're not always small events. Sometimes weirdness jumps out of the bushes naked and screaming. I find that these incidents are altogether more enjoyable when you have the great fortune of witnessing them alone. I think the event becomes that much more valuable when you, the viewer, are a private audience. You might not understand what I'm getting at and I wouldn't fault you for that but I think you are familiar with this experience. It could be that you witness something strange or socially uncommon, a man in trousers a quarter of a mile before you racing by on a unicycle, a prepubescent girl on a park bench with a voice recorder and a furious commentary on everyone that passes by. You might look around for some kind of assurance or confirmation that it is really happening. The truth is you're uncomfortable on some level with what you've witnessed and are looking for a reference for appropriate response. Some people laugh and soak it up while others remove themselves from the scene and head back to their comfort zone without much thought or concern. Of course, I don't want to suggest that there is a right or wrong way to respond to sightings of the truly bizarre, I simply want to say that I enjoy them--especially; independently. When I find myself frustrated with the monotony of my grounded life, I wish that I might stumble on the peculiar. I hope that when I least expect it something curious will present itself to me--A rabbit with a pocket watch and spectacles peering over the nearest hedge, beckoning me to the rabbit hole. These are the moments I wait for.

Song of the Day: Morning Passages by the brilliant Phillip Glass

"From this point forth, we shall be leaving the firm foundation of fact and journeying together through the murky marshes of memory into the wildest guesswork." APWBD

Day 32 : Edge of the Ocean-Ivy

Let no-one say that there were not early signs of warning.

Song of the Day: Edge of the Ocean by Ivy

"Those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it." APWBD

Day 31 : Maneater-Nelly Furtado

Oh the bus don't go to hogwarts, you gots to take the train. No the bus don't go to howwarts YOU GOTS TO TAKE THE TRAIN.
Greetig muggles. I apologize for the delay in postings to those of you who read daily. I've been a busy bee this past week which has been a nice change. I have recently become hooked on a new tv show. I highly recommend 'How I Met Your Mother,' and not just because it features a saucy Canadian and a lawyer from Minnesota. Apparently the show is quite popular with the fellas which further confirms that I am an above average honorary "bro." However, I am drinking tangerine sugar-free, off brand soda from a beer mug right now so I'm pretty sure that negates whatever points I gained from liking 'How I Met Your Mother.'
Moving on. I have really exciting news. Harry and the Potters are coming to Minneapolis. This will bring my H and the P's live concert attendance tally to numero quatro. I am beyond excited. Excited is not the appropriate word to describe the emotion that a fanatic supporter of Wizard Rock experiences upon hearing that their favorite band is gracing their state after a two year hiatus. Try jubilant or ecstatic. If you are interested in accompanying me to this fine event please feel free to give me a call and sing a few of your favorites.
In other news, I just received a message from an old buddy who is experiencing the side effects of Vicodin. I decided that it deserved some media attention as it embodies a form of wisdom and truth that can only be achieved with the help of mind altering substances--which I neither condone nor approve of.
"I wrote you a poem. Caleigh is obsessed with magic. Love life is very tragic. Love life is very tragic. Reading books study hard. Don't be a f****** reatard. threes more but i fortgot it. what doyou think? You're boring. Bye Hermione. I'm sorry you're not hermione. You're like that Chinese girl ho chang but american and cute. And I guess you have a beard now. "
Thanks man. That was really something. I especially liked the emphasis on my tragic love life. Repeating that line twice was a nice touch. I'm confused as to how I earned the title of Ho Chang, which I assume you meant to be Cho Chang, Harry's asian love interest in books 4 and 5. Either way, I really enjoyed that poem and I would be remiss if I did not encourage you to pursue a career in creative writing.
Song of the Day: Maneater by Nelly Furtado

"It is a long time since my last visit. I must say, your agapanthuses are flourishing." APWBD

Day 30 : It's Your Birthday-Luke

Happy Birthday Gangsta Grace and Princess Sophiphi! You should probably do something crazy, yes? Piercing? Tattoo? Funky Hair Color? I think G-G would look winning with pink hair, an eyebrow piercing and a dragon tattoo... on her FACE. Bam. That's a cool look for a mom. Soph would look darling with a lime green bowl cut, bull hoop nose ring and a series of small rabbit tattoos on her knuckles. So nice.

Song of the Day: It's Your Birthday by Luke hahahahaha best music video ever

"The consequences of our actions are so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed." APWBD

Day 29 : Be Gentle With Me-The Boy Least Likely To

Agenda for the day:

1. Shower and get dressed

2. Drive to Thunderbird Aviation in Crystal, Minnesota

3. Get in my father's plane (recently rebuilt after his unfortunate crash little over three months ago)

4. Fly to unknown destination.

5. Find a restaurant. Eat lunch.

6. Fly back (before the storm sets) **This is of high priority on my list.

7. Celebrate friends birthday at Stella's Fish Cafe

8. Girl's night at Barry's

Am I at all concerned that this might be my last day? Mildly. Am I at all surprised my lunch plans with dad turned in to a full flight to an undecided destination somewhere in MN? Not in the slightest.

Song of the Day: Be Gentle With Me by the boy least likely to. I will most definitely be listening to this song as I fly over the state.

"Oh, you know about Nicholas? You did do the thing properly, didn't you?"APWBD

Day 28 : Jump Around-House of Pain

Well there was quite a storm today and I have to say it was one of the better ones I've been a part of. I took full advantage of the torrential rain with my adventurous partner in crime; formally known as Hanimal. In celebration of both our completion of the last season of Lost and the Tornado that was possibly heading our way, we ran outside and quite literally lost ourselves and our senses in the downpour. For those of you who are Lost fans you can imagine how effectively we were able to recreate some of our favorite scenes in the heavy rain. Between screams of "JACK!", "Others!" and "WAAALLT!" we scrambled around in her muddy front lawn attracting the unwanted attention of her neighbors, brother and his friends. We are undoubtedly the coolest 19 year olds this city has ever seen. Considering that we did reenact three major battle/fight scenes complete with dialogue and dramatic effect, is it fair to contemplate whether this might constitute Live Action Role Playing or "Larping"? I spent the rest of the day a) trying to convince everyone I talked to via text, cell phone or fb chat that I was inside a tornado (warning went into effect in the late afternoon) and b) coloring in my new Harry Potter coloring book (it was a gift and yes I am comfortable with it.)

Song of the Day : Jump Around by House of Pain. Just listen and do as the lyrics instruct.

"No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines. I do love knitting patterns." APWBD

Day 27 : You Don't Know Me-Michael Bublé

Daily Prophet

Flying Car Spotted

Muggles are mystified by flying car spottings over the greater Twin Cities metropolitan area. Last Saturday crowds of shoppers stopped to stare in disbelief at what was unmistakably a flying Ford Focus. Sightings have been reported in several Minnestoa counties over the past week. Muggle authorities are puzzled as to why the vehicle does not appear on a tracking system they call “radar.” This is a serious violation of the Laws of Wizarding Secrecy. The Ministry of Magic has asked that the wizarding community take this breech of secrecy seriously. If you have any information regarding the owner of the Flying Ford, please contact the Ministry of Magic Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. A hearing is pending his or her arrest.

Song of the Day : You Don't Know Me by Michael Bubble Boy. I really like this song.

"Don't be silly, Dawlish. I'm sure you are an excellent Auror, I seem to remember you achieved 'Outstanding' in all your N.E.W.T.s, but if you attempt to--er--'bring me in' by force, I will have to hurt you." APWBD

Day 26 : Guys Eyes-Animal Collective

Today I am grateful. Some days I'm bitter and grumpy but today is not one of those days. Today I'm just grateful. It's all too easy to be discontent with what you have and to want more but whatever happened to silver lining, to looking on the bright side? For example. I only fell on the stairs in the commons twice this week. I fell because I can fall, because I can run like an idiot child up the stairs. I can do that! And that's really something. I can listen to music in my ear at deafening levels and dance around like a spastic monkey. Can you imagine if I couldn't do that? A whole part of my identity would be missing. A Calebot that didn't dance crazily. A lot of good people's lives would be different (and not necessarily for the better.) There are a lot of obvious things that I should be and am grateful for--parents, family, home, school, stuff etc.--but there are also a lot of small things that deserve similar recognition. So here is a 'thank you' of sorts to all of the smaller things in my life that I appreciate. 1) To the trees by the Fireside windows: Thank you. You're great. I really like watching your leaves, especially when it's breezy. 2) To blueberry bagels : you are delicious and I thank you for that. Cream cheese, you make blueberry bagel that much better, so thanks bud. 3) Elevators : You piss me off a hell of a lot but I love you. You're perfect for me because I'm so lazy. Thanks. 4) Computers : I appreciate you a lot. I don't know what I'd do without you, computers. Thank you so much for existing, I mean that. 5) Hair bands : Shout out to you guys. I'd be allowed in public a lot less than I am now without you. Thanks a ton. 6) Full length mirror in Ell : You know me well. Thanks for being so nice to me. You're a flatterer, that's for sure. Wish your brothers could be as generous. 7) Rain : Hey thanks, man! You get a bad rep sometimes because you spoil cookouts and stuff but shit, there'd be no garden veggie mix without you anyway so I'm going to go ahead and thank you. Plus, I like your contribution to storms. 8) Lawn Chair : You're alright. Thanks. 9) Cameras : You capture life in a strange but cool way. I like that. Thanks for helping me remember the details. 10) Outdoor fountain : Thanks fountain, thanks.

Song of the Day : Guys Eyes by Animal Collective

"Let us swim through the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud." APWBD

Day 25 : Come Fly With Me-Frank Sinatra

Let me preface this tirade by saying that I have already resolved to turn this day around. I am quite convinced that I will be able to find some excitement or at the very least, create some. That being said, today I made it to a totally new, previously undiscovered level of my favorite game; 'Jesus, You're Lame!" (For those of you who appreciate a good rhyme I hope that was not lost on you.) I knew that today would be promising in view of the fact that I woke up at least a dozen times over the course of last night and had 3 outrageous nightmares. While driving to Northfield--easily the most exciting city in Minnesota--at 6:30 in the morning, I somehow managed to remember in vivid detail all of the awkward nuances of my interview at the law firm I desperately hope to intern at this summer and next year. I particularly enjoyed reliving the moment when I told the owner of the practice to "have an AWESOME weekend," with far too much enthusiasm. I am sure that he was dazzled by my impressive and professional vocabulary. In fact, if I recall correctly, I used the word 'awesome' three times in the span of the 20 minute interview. Considering that I rarely, if ever, use the word awesome, I am more than impressed with myself for choosing that audience to "test it out." At approximately 7:30am I arrived at St. Olaf College with an exceptionally full bladder. Consequently, I decided to run from the parking lot to the front doors of the commons building and from the front doors of the commons building to the stairs. I then proceeded to run up the stairs which was, as it turns out, not a great idea. Luckily there happened to be at least 30 people watching me as I tripped and fell flat on my face. If I had been badly injured I would have undoubtedly received speedy assistance. After yet another enchanting 8 am PSCI 287 'Leadership and Ambition' class-- which never fails to provide harsh perspective on how painfully insignificant my life has been thus far, I returned to the tenth floor of Mohn Tower. For several hours I tried unsuccessfully to nap. At 11:30 I made my way up to the cafeteria with my books and assignments for company. I thought my luck was beginning to turn around when I saw the chicken cheese fajitas. I loaded up my tray with veggies to balance out my Mexican fave and found a cosy table for two by the window. As I plowed through my assigned reading and expired lettuce I began to anticipate the deliciousness of my treasured fajita. Naturally I was saving it for last as both a miniature 'day booster' and a reward for eating my vegetables. The first bite was as much of a surprise as it was a disappointment and a perfect example of how looks can be so very deceiving. The putrid taste was nothing less than devastating. I heard my phone vibrate as I let the fetid fajitta fall from my fingers. I had received my first text message of the day (discounting the ones from my mom). It read "Hey, how is your day going so far?" I shall refrain from commenting on what this did for my already horrifying state of mind. After responding briefly, I turned back to my list of assignments. I was hardly shocked to find that the next item of business was a short writing assignment that instructed me to "Create your own epitaph." I think it only appropriate to end on this sad note.

Here lies

Caleigh Maureen Kimberley

Adoring statesman and Explorer of the high seas

Died tragically while saving a beloved coral reef off the coast of queensland.

She will be missed.

1991-2010

Song of the Day : Come Fly With Me by Frank Sinatra

"I could break out, of course but what a waste of time, and frankly I can think of a whole host of things I'd rather be doing." APWBD

Day 24 : Gryffindor Rocks-Harry and the Potters

"Lemondrop."

Day 23 : Follow the Spiders- Harry and the Potters

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times,

if one only remembers to turn on the light."

Day 22 : Platform 9 3/4- Harry and the Potters

"Curiosity is not a sin... But we should exercise

caution with our curiosity... yes, indeed."

Day 21 : Concrete & Clay-Unit 4+2

Details of the Harry Potter Party

Food Items:

Pigmy Puffs (coconut cupcakes)

Cockroach Clusters (chocolate cupcakes)

Licorice Wands

Nosebleed Nuggets

Puking Pastils

Treacle Tart

Pumpkin Pasties

Drink Items:

Butterbeer

Bloody Barons

Fire Whisky

Pumpkin Juice

Decorations:

20 Golden Snitches

Gold Quidditch Hoops

Floo Powder

50 Floating Candles

Many Twinkling lights (stars)

Song of the Day: Concrete & Clay by Unit 4+2 Listen to this and dance with someone you love.

"I am sure Gryffindor and Hufflepuff are waiting to celebrate with you, and it would be a shame to deprive the of this excellent excuse to make a great deal of mess and noise." APWBD

Day 20 : La Valse D'Amelie-Orchestre

This morning I really wish I played the accordion. I also wish I smoked a pipe and played chess on Sundays. I wish I still had my childhood collection of marbles and I wish I had an understanding of good, aged wine. I wish my afternoon lunch consisted of freshly sliced apples and pears with fried goat cheese and candied walnuts. I wish I walked down cobbled streets on my way to work at a musty used book shop. I wish I paid the woman with the flower stand small gold coins for bouquets of daisies that would sit in the vase on my windowsill. I wish I had a window that opened up in a small brick alley with old bikes and clotheslines hanging white underpants to dry. I wish the sound of junky Vespa motors clanking woke me up on breezy early afternoons. I wish I was friends with the man at the vegetable market down the street. I wish there was a vegetable market down the street. I wish I had a cat and a typewriter. I wish all the cars were small cars. I wish there were more stone statues and valuable maps. I wish maps were printed on parchment paper. I wish I wrote to strangers. I wish I sealed all of my letters with wax.
Song of the Day: La Valse D'Amelie

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." APWBD

Day 19 : Hometown Glory-Adele

This morning on my way back from class something unexpected happened. I was walking with my head down, about to step off the sidewalk onto the empty street when I heard a very faint old voice calling out to me. "Excuse me," it said. I turned my head mid step to find that a truly ancient man commandeering an electric wheel chair was bee-lining his way towards me. There was a moment, before he spoke again, where everything was possibilities--two perfect strangers, one standing the other sitting, taking each other in, sizing each other up. I must have assumed he needed directions and he must have guessed that was what I assumed. It is in these moments that I realize just how uncomfortable we are with the unknown. We distrust strangers by principle. Conversations exchanged with the unfamiliar are just pleasantries, small talk and common courtesy. 'Thank you's', 'Have a nice day's', and 'Can I help you with something's?' are all just paper or plastic. We live from point A to point B in our own circles. We sit on subways and walk on streets surrounded by people and always we are careful to avoid any kind of contact. I talked to this man for an hour and a half before I asked him what his name was. James Thomas Hillestad. We sat in the shade of the commons buiding, I on a bench and he on his chair. He told me about his life and I listened. He told me that the world we live in today was different than the one he had grew up in. He said that community was gone. I told him I was ok with that. He told me I didn't know what community was. I told him that I liked the idea of anonymity, of being able to walk through a sea of people and know nothing about them and at the same time revel in the knowledge that they know nothing about me. Great masses of blank slates. He smiled to me and said "On any given day you might meet someone and share with them a conversation knowing that when you part you will likely never lay eyes on them again." Mr. Hillestad knows things. He's lived. I liked watching him wheel away back to wherever he came from. Back to "loving being senile" and to what I hope is his 90 year old wife with a sandwhich on a plate somewhere close to campus.
Song of the Day: Hometown Glory by Adele

"I don't need a cloak to become invisible." APWBD

Day 18 : Where Does the Good Go-Tegan & Sara

I've been thinking a lot about moderation and excess. I'm wondering whether it is generally best to live in moderation--to live a temperate life. It seems reasonable that we should be encouraged to lead lives with sensible limits but I can't help but wonder whether this might discount authenticity or sincerity in some way. Some of my most exciting memories have involved excesses or extremes. In fact, I am currently planning a party that will seriously push the boundaries of practicality and sensibility. But isn't that a somewhat inevitable consequence of making magic? I think so. I'm fairly certain it is. And what constitutes moderation and excess anyway? It is all relative, right? Look at me, Calebot The Philosophizer. And right about now you are all highly impressed by the quality and depth of the insightful musings of a nineteen year old robot. It is surprising. After all, you wouldn't expect this sort of human contemplation from an incredibly powerful, steel and impassive machine.

Song of the Day : Where Does the Good Go by two wonderful lesbians and talented musicians; Tegan and Sara

"Of course it is happening in your head, Harry, but why one earth should that mean that it is not real?" APWBD

Day 17 : Hedwig's Theme-John Williams

sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!

Today is a great day. I have a project, and one that easily consumes most of my time and thought. It should come as no shock and no surprise that this project is actually a full blown, unchecked, unrestrained, unrestricted, unbridled, unfettered and completely uncontrolled Harry Potter Party. This is likely to be the culmination of all of my creative ingenuity. I will not be surprised if this Saturday is the climax of of my entire life. It is really quite simple...This party is the single most important thing I will ever do. I am this party. I never quite understood what a calling or Vocation was until the inspiration to throw this Harry Potter event took hold of me. And it has. Oh yes, it has. I am all consumed by the desire to throw the greatest, most shockingly breathtaking Harry Potter party the World has ever seen. I have spent over 8 hours on the invitations alone and this is just the beginning. I cannot yet divulge all of the secrets that are to come but I will say that Platform 1811 Emerson Ave will delight all of the senses and take all of those "accepted" on a magical journey that shall never be forgotten.

Song of the Day: Hedwig's Theme-Original Score by John Williams

"Excellent, excellent." APWBD

Day 16 : Green Light-Beyonce

You know those days when you wake up, get out of bed and you just feel sassy? You put on a snazzy outfit and walk with a swagger. Sometimes you put on your headphones and walk around to a jazzy beat. You feel spicy and poised. You might say to yourself 'Imma shake things up today' or 'This city is mine." We all know that feeling--because it's great. Today was not one of those days. Firstly, I failed to take a shower until well into the day and when I finally did I decided that it would be a good idea to put my pajamas back on. I guess I didn't feel it necessary to comb my hair or put on even the slightest bit of make-up--something my brother and dad were quick to point out. I met one of my dad's ex wives in this state, which was a real treat. In all fairness, she was a perfectly sweet woman. Although this only made me more aware of my own foul mood and bitterness. I suspect she probably felt relief, at the sight of me, that she did not (at least to my knowledge) procreate with Barry. I was more than willing to play the part of 'grouchy older sister' when my brother's friends came to visit and over the course of the day I successfully consumed the recommended calorie count for a small adult elephant. There was one good thing that came of this otherwise pathetic day. I found a 'calling' for my later (much later years). I decided that if and when I grow to be an old old woman I will select 3 people, preferably in their 20s, to be really great to. I will give them worldly advice and they will think me a hip old thing. We'll drink and play cards together and I will fascinate and shock even them with all of the scandalous stories of my youth. The rest of human population will not receive such happy treatment. In fact, I will make it my business to be as unpleasant to everyone as I find possible and convenient. I will sit on my front porch at all hours of the day and some nights yelling obscenities, scaring children and small dogs, throwing golf balls at walkers and shooting bb's at joggers. I'm confident that I will be extremely content with this arrangement.

Song of the Day : This song is exceedingly 'sassy'. I wish I had played it when I woke this morn. Perhaps then I wouldn't have brownie stains on my face and last night's pajamas. Green Light by Beyonce.

"I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you." APWBD

Day : 15 How the Heart Grows Wicked-Patrick Park

It is rainy and cold in Minnesota today--ideal conditions for snuggling on the couch with blankets, drinking hot chocolate and watching a good movie. All I can think about today is how much I'd love to see Shrek tonight. All year I have been wanting to watch Shrek. Why is this?! I have been made fun of mercilessly for liking Shrek so much and I can't for the life of me understand why. Children AND adults all over the world have fallen in love with this series. It's clever, well written and the characters are quite likable. What's not to love? I don't care if you are 9, 19 or 29, you should enjoy this movie. I am contemplating going to see Shrek the final chapter alone in theaters. I didn't enjoy the third one but the first and second are solid gold. If you are interested in having a Shrek marathon with me (minus the third one) let me know. I'll just be sitting in my living room contemplating my existence while peeling the layers of an onion. I sincerely hope that some of you got that reference.

Song of the Day: The perfect song for a rainy day is How the Heart Grows Wicked by Patrick Park

"Ah music. A magic far beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!" APWBD

Day 14 : Paperweight-Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk

Today I made plans with an old friend to create a 'Delicious Summer Dishes' menu. So far the most intriguing recipe was titled 'Funny Fruit Faces.' The caption under the recipe reads 'Eat my face, big guy! These fun and funny gelatin faces are as cool to make as they are to devour'--I'll be the judge of that--'All you need is a few small paper plates, clean hands, and lots of wacky imagination.' Wacky imagination, eh? I like the sound of that. This sounds like a dish that is right up my alley. I have always enjoyed an engaging meal and I am very excited about the prospect of having a meal that will, if made properly, smile back. I may very well be inclined to take this recipe to a new level with creative additives such as facial hair, various eyewear, hats, and a variety of other accessories that may or may not be appropriate. I will be sure to document both the preparation of these faces, which is bound to get messy, and the consumption of them--also likely to be a messy affair.

Song of the Day: This is a sweet little song. Paperweight by Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be." APWBD

Day 13 : Odessa-Caribou

I was driving through Northfield the other day with my head out the window on an empty tank of gas. As I tried to keep my eyes on the road through gusts of blinding wind I realized that I've never really taken any time to appreciate the work of our founding fathers. I have never, to my knowledge, considered myself patriotic. After all, I was raised predominately by a genuine A-rab and I do carry a green card around in my wallet. Frequent holds at border crossings and customs, interrogations by immigrations officers, and Grandpa Rasheed's "random" selection for airport security checks at every boarding hardly make me feel comfortable calling myself an American. Still, as I drove, hair blowing, blinking through the elements I thought; 'I'm nearly an old man myself, it's probably about time I thought about these guys before its too late.' They fought for independence and wrote a declaration. That's actually pretty cool when you think about it, in a non elementary-school-civics-project kind of way. It made me wish I could fight for independence and write a declaration of my own. A Declaration of the Rights of Robots perhaps. Or, The Declaration and Anthology of Wizarding Rights, though I assume the Ministry of Magic has that covered. No, it must be a thing of quality, of legitimacy and of authenticity. A Declaration of Independence of an aspiring, albeit at times species-confused, young woman.

IN C O N G R E S S. June 10, 2010.

BY THE R E P R E S E N T A T I V E S OF THE

HONORABLE CALEIGH KIMBERLEY

IN G E N E R A L C O N G R E S S A S S E M B L E D

WHEN in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one woman to assert her independence from The Man, The Establishment, and occasionally The Police, knowing full and well that only half of the reason she attempts to fight the power is because she legitimately dislikes authority and the other half because she knows it’s bad ass, a decent respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that she should declare the causes which impel her to the separation.

He, The Man, has refused to accept the innovation of the youth.

He has made it a point to destroy creative recklessness.

He has discouraged wildness and impulsivity.

He has handed out scarlet letters for jollification and merrymaking.

He has put out a warrant for the arrest of the undomesticated maestros of society.

At this time I reserve my right to self-determination. I do declare, now and forever more to be a self-governed agent. As an autonomous operative I recognize the legality of this document and under the constitutive theory of recognition I claim complete and total sovereignty over myself.

Caleigh Maureen Kimberley

Song of the Day: If you don't listen to this song I'll be sorry. Odessa by Caribou

"--yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. Best to say nothing at all, my dear man." APWBD

Day 12 : L.S.F.-Kasabian

When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write. You can write good and copyright but copyright doesn't mean you copy good - it might not be right good copy, right?

Now, writers of religious services write rite, and thus have the right to copyright the rite they write. Conservatives write right copy, and have the right to copyright the right copy they write. Aright wing cleric might write right rite, and have the right to copyright the right rite he has the right to write. his editor has the job of making the right rite copy right before the copyright would be right. Then it might be copy good copyright. Should Thom Wright decide to write, then Wright might write right rite, which Write has a right to copyright. Copying that rite would copy Wright's right rite, and thus violate copyright, so Wright would have the legal right to right the wrong. Right? Legals write writs which is a right or not write writs right but all writs, copied or not, are writs that are copyright. Judges make writers write writs right. Advertisers write copy which is copyright the copy writer's company, not the right of the writer to copyright. But the copy written is copyrighted as written, right? Wrongfully copying a right writ, or a right rite or copy is not right. © The Department of Redundancy Department Copyright Department Copyright, 1999

I hope all of you read that and are now infuriated. That was my goal. If I have to write a paper on the third day of class in SUMMER then you can all sift through that garbage and try to make sense of it. My hope is that a few of you will find yourself consumed by the desire to understand it completely. Good luck with that ladies and gents.

Song of the Day: This is one of my favorites. Seriously underrated band. L.S.F. by Kasabian

"In fact, being - forgive me - rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger." APWBD

Day 11 : Feel It All Around-Washed Out

In 'ertford, 'ereford and 'amshire, 'urricanes 'ardly Hever 'appen.

I must apologize for this untimely post. I am ashamed to say that I fell asleep at my computer at 9:30 pm reading a book for my Ambition and Leadership (Poli-Sci) class ironically titled "Leading Lives that Matter." Is it altogether surprising that I fell asleep midway through a chapter that discusses what constitutes a 'significant life'? I think not! I shall not betray your trust again. Please excuse this one time EPIC FAIL and remember that while I may be an unrcontionable screw-up in every other area of my life, this blog is of the utmost importance to me and shall not fall by the wayside.

Song of the day: This one is a winner. Listen to this and let the cool sounds ease away your frustrations. Feel It All Around by Washed Out.

"It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated." APWBD

Day 10: Rubber Band Man-T.I.

Greetings er'body. I trust that all of you are having a perfectly standard Monday. I, on the other hand, am having a wonderous Monday night. Considering that I had to wake up at 6:45 in the am for my first day of class, it is nothing short of miraculous that I am able to say that tonight is actually a success. All I have to say is: magic, space, bees, harry p, robots and maybe another magic just for good measure. That's all I have for now. Here is what I suggest: GO CRAZY TONIGHT. Unleash some chaos into the world. You'll feel great about it, I promise.
Song of the Day: you know what to do.

"To the well organized mind death is but the next great adventure." APWBD

Day 9 : Let the Drummer Kick-Citizen Cope

Good afternoon, humans. I hope all of you are enjoying your summer. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and Gangsta Grace is on her way to Olaf to bring me an assortment of fruits. On a less pleasant note, there is a foul stench stinking up the hallway on the tenth floor of Mohn. It quite honestly smells like someone shit themselves and decided not to do anything about it. Unfortunately, the smell is strongest by the internet router which is incidentally where I typically sit to write these entries. As a result of this disadvantageous happenstance I have been receiving strange and incriminating looks from everyone that passes by. I haven't decided whether or not this bothers me. Actually, I'm fairly certain that I really don't care. What I'm not certain about is whether my lack of caring should be cause for concern. Is there something wrong with you when you really don't give a rat's fart (forgive my pun) whether your peers think you are the kind of person that would feel comfortable creating a stink like that in public? Is that really any worse than actually doing it? I need to find a new location.

So, what else is new? I read an unnecessarily long and terribly boring email today detailing all of the plans for summer construction at St. Olaf College. I put on my work out clothes and thought about going for a run. Finished off a bag of chips while singing loudly to Lilly Allen and kicking a water bottle around my room. Got chewed out by mom for being a lazy ass. Fair. Filled out some more applications. Thought a little more about how much I hate Northfield. Stared out my window again for a while and then bam five hours later here I am, writing my blog and thinking about how much I would love some Indian food right about now. It's a crazy life, folks. I know.

The clouds outside my room are unreal. The kind of clouds you might dream about but don't often see--Perfect puffs of white with flat blue bottoms like someone took a butter knife and leveled them off. They are so bright. They hurt my eyes when I stare at them. This makes me think of a joke I once heard. One guy says: 'Ask me why I'm wearing these sunglasses.' The other replies: 'Why?' First guy says: "Because... my future is so bright,' then laughs hysterically to himself. Good one. Time to go tear shit up. I'm painting this city silver tonight.

Yeah, you should listen to the song of the day: Let the Drummer Kick by Citizen Cope

"For future reference, Harry, it is raspberry... although of course, if I were a Death Eater, I would have been sure to research my own jam preferences before impersonating myself." APWBD

Day 8 : What's in the Middle-The Bird and the Bee

A great mist falls over St. Olaf Campus. It is eerily quiet save for the light patter of rain on windows and gutters. A Grey Hound bus snakes its way through the Buntrock parking lot disturbing the silence as an empty elevator opens on the tenth floor of Mohn tower. It is a quarter past three in the afternoon and a girl decides that today is as good a day as any to become a bee-keeper. She knows it won't bee easy. There will be many obstacles and she will be quite alone in this endeavor. The road will be long and hard and she will surely feel the sharp sting of many a hard day's work. There will likely be tears. She will look for comfort and solace in her friends and family and find that there is none to be had. She will face much ridicule and at times she will regret putting all of her bees in one bonnet, so to speak. She will put countless hours into this enterprise and when she looks to those she loves for encouragement she will find only downcast eyes and heads shaking in obvious disapproval. But she will never give up. She will never lay down her Tulle Head-Veil with zipper and leather vented gloves. She will never take off her mesh helmet and throw it to the ground in a moment of desperation. She will work tirelessly hour after hour as she is an excellent worker. She will tend to her bees with the all of the courage she can muster and all of the strength she can gather for she knows that one day she will have swarms of supporters.

Song of the Day: What's in the Middle by The Bird and the Bee

"It's lucky it's dark...I haven't blushed so much since Madame Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs." APWBD

Day 7 : In the Air Tonight-Phil Collins

I will say this only once for the sake of modesty. Next to Dumbledore I am the greatest wizard that ever lived and anyone who says otherwise is simply deceiving themselves. Last night I foolishly left my computer briefly unattended and now I am feeling the ramifications of this great misstep. I take full responsibility for this error and hope that all of you who have read the blasphemous lies posted in Entry 6 have recovered quickly and easily. I cannot pretend to have regained full composure at this time. However, I am hopeful that in a few weeks time Entry 6 will be merely a dark cloud in my memory. The person responsible for this heinous crime shall now be referred to as 'He-who-shall-not-be- named'. You will all be glad to know that he has suffered a just and fair punishment. I will not discuss its nature here as it is not appropriate for all audiences. Let's just say that if you see a boy of about 6 feet walking around Mohn with a blank expression, do not be alarmed--he is just missing his soul.

Moving on. It is the start of what should be a beautiful weekend. Immediately after writing this I decided to check the weather forecast. It looks as if I may have spoken too soon. Storms across the board, boys and girls. But it's like I've always said; there's nothing like a good thunderstorm to make your time at an empty college campus more exciting. Perhaps it will spur the beginnings of my inevitable pilgrimage to Insanity. Which brings me to my next point. If for even one day a blog post fails to appear on this site, I beg you contact St. Olaf authorities and have them inquire as to how I am fairing. Perhaps if an investigation is brought to light sooner rather than later there will be hope for me.

To anyone who says that having a blog is simply a form of self-adulation or narcissism, maybe you'll think differently when it saves MY LIFE.

Listen to the Song of the Day or I'll bite your ear off: In the Air Tonight by the wonderfully talented and gifted Phil Collins

"Don't count your owls before they are delivered." APWBD

Day 6 : White Sky-Vampire Weekend

Bleep boop bop bee boop. Calebot here. It's been another semi productive day in Northfield, Minnesota. I could easily fill this entry with an assortment of mundane moments from my day of grocery shopping and unpacking but I have decided to forgo that venture and instead to discuss the merits of my best friends Taylor and Shea. Today we watched Chris Farley and viewing his overrated yelling and facial expressions was easily the most fun I've had in months, nay years. Even though Chris Farley is far from an entertaining comedian, the presence of my BFFs was enough to turn a normally uninteresting collection of skits into a comedy that rivals the hilarity of a mixture of The Office and Arrested Development. I highly recommend these two gentleman to any of my female readers.

On an unrelated note, I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge Taylor Penke as a much more knowledgeable Harry Potter fan than myself. We had a wizarding duel today, and I was quickly overwhelmed by his skill, conceding defeat within 30 seconds of his overpowering stunning and disarming spells. I am willing to bet my wand that he could hold his own against Dumbledore. Hopefully, I can convince him into sharing his animagus abilities and collection of hexes with a lesser wizard.

Until tomorrow, Calebot

Day 5 : It's a Curse-Wolf Parade

Makers of Tide TOTALCARE, I have a bone to pick with you. Why would you go to the trouble of making individually prepackaged samples of your Tide TOTALCARE laundry detergent for "easy use" when opening the package is damn near impossible? In an era of easy-tear and zip lock packaging, one may assume that all packaging is this user-friendly. I know I did when I attempted to tear open my free sample of Tide’s Renewing Rain Laundry Detergent. Sure, I probably should not have ignored the finely printed ‘CUT HERE’ in the corner of the small orange package, but in my eagerness to discover whether Tide really does help reveal the 7 Signs of beautiful clothes, I felt that it was appropriate to overlook this small direction. Regardless, I was somewhat successful in my attempt to use my teeth as scissors—successful being loosely defined in that I was able to successfully puncture the bag and allow for small amounts of detergent to ooze from it and into my unsuspecting mouth. For those of you who have ever ingested detergent or any other cleaning product, I am certain that I have your sympathy. For those of you who have not, to your recollection, ingested soaps or detergent let me first congratulate you and second explain the unfortunate process that inevitably ensues. Soap-Mouth, as I will now refer to it, does not always yield an immediate response. It can take up to 30 seconds for your taste buds to realize that they are being violated by the unnatural flavors of soap. Now instinct would have us attempt to wash out the taste with the standard glass of water. I’m afraid instinct fails us here. Adding water to your Soap-Mouth concoction only exacerbates the problem. The taste most definitely intensifies and you could very well find yourself dealing with a foam/bubble situation. Instead of using water to swish out the soap try dabbing the tongue with a paper towel or clean dishrag. When you are confident that you have extracted most if not all of the soap, I recommend making a few cursory spits as you may find that the taste is lingering at the back of the throat. Once you have completed these steps to your satisfaction drink a tall glass of milk and take a moment to consider whether or not you are responsible enough to handle these products.

**Remember if you have ingested a substantial amount of detergent contact poison control and/or health services, as it is NOT safe to consume.

Song of the day: It's a Curse by Wolf Parade

"Time makes fools of us again." APWBD

Day 4 : Set It Off-Girl Talk

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't great but the reception was excellent.

Today I said goodbye to Fourth floor Ellingson Hall otherwise known as 'The Nunnery' and hello to Mohn Tower. Contrary to Ellingson's less than rousing reputation, I must say I have some very fond memories of the place. This may come as a surprise to some of you, in view of the fact that I was wildly unpopular with many of my fellow "nuns." Of course, this is to be expected when you go out of your way to make sure that excessively loud rap hits are played at all hours of the day and night. I hardly think that many of them enjoyed my chasing through the hallways and bathrooms wearing rain-boots with my leggings pulled down around the ankles either. Tragically, many of the girls on my floor were born without a sense of humor. Now I don't mean to suggest that they were openly hostile towards me. I would have welcomed battle gladly--be it one of wits or of fists. No, their dislike was only apparent in their judgmental looks and unwavering determination to steal all of my left socks. I'm sure that many if not most of you have experienced that terrible and crushing feeling that comes with the realization of a rogue sock. When it happens, and it did all too often on 4North Ellingson Hall, I would almost always stand there for a few moments to grieve, not only for myself but for the newly single sock. I could have reacted badly to this passive aggressive brutism but I decided to take the high road. Not once did I fire the accusations at my neighbors to the right, that I so desperately wanted to. Not once did I demand to see the sock drawers of the bandits in 418. It is a testament to my kind and charitable character that I did not scream 'SOCK THEIF!' at 'girl- with-the-braids' every time we happened to meet in the bathroom. Perhaps I will have better luck with the fine ladies on the tenth floor of Mohn. I can only hope that they, unlike my previous floor tenants, will not attempt to pilfer through my laundry. I cannot honestly say that I will be as generous this time around.

Song of the Day: Set It Off by Girl Talk

"Alas! Ear wax!" APWBD