Day 5 : It's a Curse-Wolf Parade

Makers of Tide TOTALCARE, I have a bone to pick with you. Why would you go to the trouble of making individually prepackaged samples of your Tide TOTALCARE laundry detergent for "easy use" when opening the package is damn near impossible? In an era of easy-tear and zip lock packaging, one may assume that all packaging is this user-friendly. I know I did when I attempted to tear open my free sample of Tide’s Renewing Rain Laundry Detergent. Sure, I probably should not have ignored the finely printed ‘CUT HERE’ in the corner of the small orange package, but in my eagerness to discover whether Tide really does help reveal the 7 Signs of beautiful clothes, I felt that it was appropriate to overlook this small direction. Regardless, I was somewhat successful in my attempt to use my teeth as scissors—successful being loosely defined in that I was able to successfully puncture the bag and allow for small amounts of detergent to ooze from it and into my unsuspecting mouth. For those of you who have ever ingested detergent or any other cleaning product, I am certain that I have your sympathy. For those of you who have not, to your recollection, ingested soaps or detergent let me first congratulate you and second explain the unfortunate process that inevitably ensues. Soap-Mouth, as I will now refer to it, does not always yield an immediate response. It can take up to 30 seconds for your taste buds to realize that they are being violated by the unnatural flavors of soap. Now instinct would have us attempt to wash out the taste with the standard glass of water. I’m afraid instinct fails us here. Adding water to your Soap-Mouth concoction only exacerbates the problem. The taste most definitely intensifies and you could very well find yourself dealing with a foam/bubble situation. Instead of using water to swish out the soap try dabbing the tongue with a paper towel or clean dishrag. When you are confident that you have extracted most if not all of the soap, I recommend making a few cursory spits as you may find that the taste is lingering at the back of the throat. Once you have completed these steps to your satisfaction drink a tall glass of milk and take a moment to consider whether or not you are responsible enough to handle these products.

**Remember if you have ingested a substantial amount of detergent contact poison control and/or health services, as it is NOT safe to consume.

Song of the day: It's a Curse by Wolf Parade

"Time makes fools of us again." APWBD